THINKING OF YOU

I'd love to say that it's easier now that you packed and are gone
Like a clown I'd put on a show, I'd say it doesn't hurt to be alone
I'd want to say how much I haven't missed you but I'd choke on the words
I long for your warm embrace but my feeble emotions aren't ready for the worst
So I find myself dragging my feet to my local, in my corner I have the usual, one too many
In my stupor I'd dial your number and say I'm on my way home honey
I'd hear your voice reminding me of the keys in the broken flower pot and food all warmed
It seems no matter how hard I try to forget, thoughts of you are always constantly formed
Your hairs on my pillow a painful reminder of how I used to caress you in your sleep
I haven't changed the sheets for your scent I long to forever keep
Perhaps tomorrow you will return to me and our world as you knew it
Thinking of you gives reason to my being, it's the only way I can exist
How do I move on when every road leads me back to where we first met
Back to that first hello, that first smile, that first kiss and all it meant
It's moments like these I see you, a mirage it maybe but all so sure real
Clandestinely I converse, insanity keeps me going, numbs all the hurt I feel
I'm in a  delirium, thoughts of you are more real than your absence
This animal I've become, of it I grapple with to fathom a sense
If, with time I heal and learn to love again- I will always be THINKING OF YOU

TROUBLED

Love? What love? Whose love? Why love? Love?
Love has bequeathed nothing but heartache and pain
I've been abandoned by love only to be embraced by shame
Love has left me lifeless, cold, and isolated as the grave
Its pillars have failed me only to crumble on the hope i gave
A soul overrun with wild flowers of hate, frustration and anger
Thought i knew love only to wake up to a total stranger
Tis' love that begot me? Tis' it that gave me up for adoption
Nay, i insisted on being born than to die in love's ocean
On the path to self destruction with all the fervor of a wild fire
At arms with love from the cradle to the pyre with unbridled desire