WISHFUL THINKING

Damn, its crazy how I never thought I was fragile,
I put my guard down and opened the door to my heart,
But here we are now you're the reason I feel empty and hollow,
I wish I could erase your foot prints when you walked in,
But all of a sudden, like the wind you came and left,
And even in my wishful thinking I don't know how to follow.
Once upon a time I promised to myself,    
And here I am needing to learn to wean myself off you.

Damn, these are the wages of wishful thinking.
Now I am walking through long corridors with no exit doors,
Just mirrors with reflections gawking right through me,
Where do I go from here? I lost myself trying to find you,
Its getting too dark to see in these long corridors,
Am I chasing reflections or are reflections chasing me,
I hear footsteps of change time to time,
Is it you? Is it my wishful thinking?

Damn, this wishful thinking dreamed of a forever,
Now these dreams seek a resting place like an avenging spirit.

THIS FAR

I did not come this far to only come this far,
It hasn't been easy and I've conjured on suicide.

I have a jar of demons and saints under my berth,
They have been the armor to strengthen my spine.

I have traveled this far with them,
They are who I am and I am them.

In battles won I've scares to nurse like a nursing woman,
In battles lost I've determination; the sinew for my bones.

No its not that simple like a simple two sentenced poem,
I've stumbled, given up and started anew a thousand times just to get this far.

Its been a hard road this road I'm travelling on,
But I do not seek smoother travels, just strength for tomorrow.

 I've made it this far not on my own might,
I've been on shoulders to gain higher ground.

FADED

A fading chimera of myself on a faded planet,
Draped in a faded garb chasing fading dreams,
I'm holding on but constantly fading with each breath,
I know I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
I'm not broken, I'm not lost, I'm just fading,
Off into to the night chasing fading faces I can't reach,
There are hands that pull me off to either side,
And whats left of me is fading under my skin,
Perhaps I'm on the wrong planet or maybe under the wrong skin,
I hear drums in the distant fading like the beating of my heart,
I was young once, had dreams and high hopes,
My mama used to say nothing lasts everything eventually fades,
 I'd give everything to have her by my side,
Just for a moments worth to reconcile fading memories,
Oh dear mama I've done so many things wrong,
And this point in my life things I'd like to forget will not fade,
But I'd like to live before everything is faded.

BROKEN

Suicidal with depression I'm probing these thoughts looking for my Nirvana,
Capsules down the drain I can only find sanity in the healing of marijuana,
Sometimes I find ways to bleed just to reassure that I'm still alive,
Perhaps I'm addicted to the fangs on the blade penetrating my flesh,
But I'm still trying to find my way without taking the easy way out,
I reach out into the depth of this darkness that's imprinted itself on me,
I can't find any one to hold me though I saw the devil and he looked a lot like me,
I delved into his eyes for my soul among the souls in his eyes,
Souls like mine hankering for a way out in this darkness,
How does one travel this far and not have memory of the journey?
I know once upon a time I left home to chase a dream,
I thought I could have it all when I was young,
But I could never have that with what I have become,
And if I could start over again would I end up here?
Down on my knees I pray to God who won't talk back,
I don't know how much more kneeling these bones can take,
So I buried my faith in a jar of forgotten childhood pennies,
Maybe at the end of time I could trade it in for my soul,

TO MY UNBORN CHILD

This is to my unborn child to let you know I love you,

I have so much to say but I'll let my thoughts blossom as you grow,

I'm ready to hold those tiny curling hands soft like rose petals,

Lift you from your cradle and inhale the redolence from your birth,
You are born to us in love and with love you will always be surrounded,

These arms will keep you safe and will never grow weary of providing, 

Oh! I'm ready to listen to your brave little heart beat with life,
And those late night cries for my love, affection and caresses,
I'm ready to bequeath the history of our people so you know who you are,
The blood of Shaka runs in our veins I see the warrior in you with every little breath ,
We have the imprint of a Leopard and hunt with the guidance of the Bateleur Eagle,
The winds will always be on your back though nothing will ever be promised,
I'll set you on the right path but love you enough to let you make your own mistakes,
I'll be the father that I never had and as the years grow by I'll be your best friend,
That has been my mission from the day you were conceived,
My pursuit of happiness is knowing you will have a better life than I did,
I am a solider and I will lay my life on the front-line for you to have that life,
So I'm writing these words in case I do not rise with the rising sun,
That you may turn to this Oasis of love and find peace and comfort

I AM GEORGE STINNEY

Imprisoned in the castle of my skin so I made a collect call to God,
But everything seems to remain the same or maybe I'm just insane,
Clutching cold realities and nightmares I'm George Stinney on death-row,
I'm seeking emancipation from the fear etched on my innocence,
But I'm lost in a matrix reciting verses from a childhood book of tricks,
Perhaps I could crawl out of  my skin and find my consciousness,
And emerge into existence from the abyss of my familiarity,
I'm on a quest to find myself but they found me first and they found me guilty,
In a room with unfamiliar faces they asked me if I was Guilty,
I said that I wasn't I said that I was George, I've been George since birth,
I'm George Stinney I said, I was nurtured to get on my knees and pray,
But when I natured I opened my eyes I was on my knees and the prey,
I wish I could clamber up these walls like a Maypop and find my way home,
But I am George Stinney, for skittles and ice tea I lost my life,
I never stood a chance because of my baggy pants and hoodie,
I'm George Stinney, I fell into a coma while in police custody and I never woke up,
I am George Stinney, I was pulled over and murdered because I fit the description,
I am George Stinney, when you only identify me by the color of my skin.

UNFORGETTABLE

Its unforgettable how I found love on the very first sight,
I did not know it then as much as I do now, right now,
I told myself I knew better than to fall so emotionally,
But you are so unforgettable with your beautiful eyebrows,

I've stumbled for love before but I've never fallen,
Many a pretty faces I've seen but none equal yours,
Never met a woman with so much beauty and elegance,
And everything about you rests well with my heart its unforgettable,

That smile of yours blossoms the beauty that's within you,
Your beautiful brown skin enameled like gold is my treasure,
You look my way and your imprint is unforgettable,
Love might not be for me, but this, this here is unforgettable,

I've waited a life time to meet you and I'd wait another if I had to,
It wouldn't be as hard because I'd remember how it was meeting you,
I'd remember, this I'm sure, how could I not? you are so unforgettable,
You are so beautiful because beauty is you, my unforgettable.